Hello, I’m Hamish. I’m a very well known trader in
Mesopotamia and since the discovery of bronze my fame has increased dramatically.
Today I am going to go up to the Tigris River to meet a friend, Drake. He is
not the cleverest of traders and is easiest to fool. I think it should be even
easier now that my people have discovered a new type of metal, Bronze. Everyone
wants bronze now because it lasts a long time, it’s very hard and of course, it’s
shiny. The way was relatively easy because of another great invention, the
wheel. Well actually the cart. To bring all of my stuff with me I simply throw
it all into the cart sit on top and whip my mule into motion.
When I arrived after travelling many miles the trades had
already started. I spied my friend Drake at the corner of the market place
trading slingshots for food. I pushed throught the crowd of bodies and shouting
voices until my friend could see me. I waved to him gleefully and he waved
back. This was the first time we had seen each other in years. As I walked
through the crowd people stared at the bronze in my bag. They had never seen it
before and I have to admit it is pretty amazing.
But when I got closer I realized that had actually come for
food so we said hello and then I walked away. The main reason why I came was
for food so when I saw man trading venison I went right over to him, along with
my bag of bronze. But when I was talking to him a young boy stole a golden shield,
and then fled. I ran after him but it was no use. That was hours of craftsmanship
wasted. I gave up, I’m getting too old. Anyway after that calamity I showed the
man my bronze tools he asked him if I could give him the whole bag for the
deer. But I thought otherwise. I haggled and after ten minutes we agreed that I
would give him a necklace and a spear made of gold for the deer. Now that’s
what I call a day’s work!
It was a bit short, and you didn't say much about what you use bronze for (weapons, tools), but overall quite good. Be more descriptive though, I didn't quite understand the part about meeting Drake and then walking away because of something to do with food.
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